September 24, 2009
- Someone dumped a filthy, stained futon on the sidewalk. Then, someone tagged it. Then, a dog shat on it.
So, yes: comments were enabled.
@hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 117
- Came back from the bank with 3 rolls of quarters in my front pocket. And discovered a great way to avoid having to share the elevator.
@adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 95
- In Hell, a coworker will tell you there are cookies in the breakroom. You will run. They will turn out to be date squares.
@sween (Jason Sweeney) – 87
- A 19-pound newborn? That baby’s lifestyle disgusts me.
@badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 78
- With Gmail down, I have no idea what Justine Bateman wants me to do.
@badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 74
- Whoa whoa WHOA. Hold up. Take a breath and calm down.
Now. Start at the beginning.
So. You’re a seagull.
@sween (Jason Sweeney) – 74
- The day I sell out is the day I stop sticking my dick in the tangy zip of Miracle Whip® with half the fat of mayonnaise.
@fireland (Joshua Allen) – 71
- I can tell when she’s expecting company because suddenly the toilet paper rolls have to go on the dispenser. As if we’re French royalty.
@tj (Fun Size Bytes) – 69
- When the only tool you have is a hammer, you’re probably Thor.
@sween (Jason Sweeney) – 69
- For the sake of defeating irony, I propose we change the word ‘minimalism’ to ‘m’.
@Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 67
- Suddenly embarrassed by my ‘Mamas and Papas’ tattoo.
@badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 64
- When the only tool you have is gravy, every problem looks delicious.
@Moltz (Moltz) – 63
- Coworker stood to make an announcement, saying “Everybody…” Naturally, I shouted “dance now!” and did the Roger Rabbit.
@CcSteff (Stephanie) – 63
- "I’m sitting in one of those TGI Friday’s places, and everyone looks like they want to shove a shotgun in their mouth."
@shitmydadsays (Justin) – 62
- No, I don’t wanna play Frisbee with you. Because I just don’t, that’s why. Because I don’t feel like it. LOOK, I NEVER WENT TO COLLEGE OKAY?
@sloganeerist (jtdobbs) – 60
- G-20! Made it to downtown Pittsburgh. with my “MY OPINIONS ON CLEAN COAL ARE TOO COMPLICATED FOR A PROTEST SIGN” protest sign.
@CranberryPerson (N/A) – 59
- A proposed Postal Service bailout? I would send my congressman a letter of support if I could remember how to do that.
@badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 57
- Food baby jokes are really insensitive to those of us without a fooderus.
@biorhythmist (matt) – 55
- I’ll be honest; without the stock art of a guy on a cliff pumping his fist at sunrise, a lot of self-help lists might seem like bullshit.
@hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 54
- I primarily use Google Latitude to update my friends with my location nine days ago.
@lonelysandwich (Adam Lisagor) – 53
Still pretty much my favorite people on Twitter. I miss Favrd.
I think staying curious is the only thing—never being satisfied with the stuff you already know you like, always finding new stuff to get into. Then you’re always young with respect to the stuff you’re reading, listening to, watching, doing.
Page 1 of 94
← Newer • Older →