First World Problems
Me: I want pancakes.
Me: +1000 for getting beard and dragon and pancakes all in the same picture
Me: -10 for someone choosing Comic Sans
Him: I'll settle for 990
Me: Sounds like a Jeopardy exclamation.
Him: sounds like Jeopardy meets Oregon Trail
Me: Oh no! Jeopardy has a broken leg!
Me: THANK GOODNESS I ALWAYS GO AS A DOCTOR.
Him: You must shoot Alex Trebeck and move on.
Me: Poor Alex
So fail. Be bad at things. Be embarrassed. Be afraid. Be vulnerable. Go out on a...– (via bluorchid, erickd, dilaudid, lfar, ohmyseven)
The eyeballing game →
(via bullshit) This is surprisingly addictive. The fact that I made it to the top ten in three tries reaffirms that it is indeed a wonder that I am still single.
Rawr! How May I Help You?
(After a pause in conversation.)
Me: And she lost Sir Kilts, who left to destroy a dragon and to obtain some Nyquil.
Him: stores are closed by now
Him: otherwise I actually would
Me: Not DRAGON stores.
Him: but those are only in the Highlands, hours and hours away from here
Me: I just really liked the idea of dragon stores.
Ply It Forward
yourmonkeycalled: My son is learning to use the bathroom by himself. After we’ve washed and dried our hands and thrown our paper towels into the trash can, he insists that we prepare some paper towel for the next person. He goes over to the dispenser and hits the lever a few times, enough for the next guy to dry his hands. Everyone should do this. Imagine: you’ve just washed your hands at a...
Are your new classes enjoyable? Has anyone other than the boy that asked to...– email from a friend
Breakup Letter, Dramatic Reading →
I’ve probably mentioned this before, but it’s worth revisiting. I would be better about reading my email and checking Google Reader if this guy would narrate every message and post.
John McCain, The Original Maverick, was Maverick’n Mavericks before any other...– Sarah Palin (via thedayhascome) (We should definitely ban the word “maverick” for the rest of all eternity. Or at least until November 5.)
Yeah, I don’t think the long-distance relationship will be that hard. I...– Girl in My Study Group for Accounting (I always assumed long-distance meant like … being in different states or different countries. Or at least in different counties. I am so behind the times.)
Seems Like That Would Be the Easier Solution
Coworker A: I think I'm going to go to a bunch of garage sales and pick out one set of dishes from each place.
Mom: Wait, why don't you want a full set?
Coworker A: Well, this way, if one dish breaks, I can just replace it with something completely different. It will already be intentionally a mis-matched collection.
Mom: But why?
Coworker A: I have boys. Boys break dishes.
Coworker B: Yeah, I have boys. They broke a lot of dishes as kids.
Me: Wow. Did we break a lot of dishes growing up, Mom?
Mom: I didn't give you breakable dishes when you were young.